Fantasy Week #6 - Recap

Matt Sovine
Oct 14
4 min read

Don't call it a comeback, but the Commissioner's Picks came in at 4-1 in Week #6. The downer of the story is the only blemish was my team's loss which, arguably, even Ray Charles saw coming.

Week 6 is officially in the books, and this league continues to operate like a chaotic group project where half the members didn’t even know there was a project — looking directly at you, Burrows Churros. Some teams soared, others put up efforts so lifeless they’re being investigated for wellness checks, and one manager returned from a weekend birthday party not only with a win, but with a brand new nickname: Peaches. He didn’t choose it. It was assigned to him like a court-ordered ankle monitor.

Players exploded off benches, starters disappeared like they entered witness protection, and at least one team somehow lost before the Sunday games even started.

Grab your emotional support beverage, prepare your waiver wire apology speeches, and let’s relive the carnage together.

Ceedee's TD's blasts Burrows Churros (133.14-83.90)

Just when you think Burrows Churros can’t sink lower, Week 6 rolls in like a wellness check from Child Protective Services. Sam Darnold actually showed up with 30 points at quarterback, but he was met with complete silence from the rest of the roster. The running backs combined for nine points as if jointly observing a labor strike. Puka Nacua barely made it to four points before vanishing, Tyler Loop contributed one lonely field goal like a kid turning in a blank homework sheet, and Dalton Kincaid didn’t even play — delivering zero points, yet still somehow managing to blend in seamlessly with the team’s aesthetic of absence.

Meanwhile, Ceedee’s TD’s didn’t win so much as exist in proximity to failure. He didn’t even watch most of it — he was too busy attending a surprise 50th birthday party where he emerged with a new nickname: Peaches. That’s right. Ceedee's TD's now sounds less like a fantasy football contender and more like a regional jam flavor at Cracker Barrel. Still, “Peaches” didn’t need to be sharp; all he had to do was roll out of brunch and let Burrows Churros trip over his own shoelaces.

Year one for Burrows Churros isn’t a learning curve — it’s a full-blown public service announcement. The only mystery now is whether Year 2 brings hope or just a GoFundMe for emotional damages.

Commissioner’s Pick: Burrows Churros (LOSER)

Joe Buck Yourself squeaks by Vigilante Blitz (141.60-139.16)

It was a rough Sunday for Vigilante Blitz — first Cameron Dicker shattered her Dolphins’ hopes with a walk-off field goal, and then Joe Buck Yourself finished the job by handing her another loss. Josh Jacobs and Cam Skattebo both detonated for 30+ points, handling most of the heavy lifting for Joe Buck Yourself like seasoned contractors.

Vigilante Blitz tried to keep pace with strong efforts from Ja’Marr Chase and Jaylen Waddle, but Zay Flowers delivered his usual disappearing act and Drake Maye rotted on the bench with nearly 40 points — truly poetic.

The win bumped Joe Buck Yourself up one spot to 3rd overall in the standings, while Vigilante Blitz also managed to climb one spot to 8th. Progress? Technically. But while other teams below the playoff cutoff line may dream of rising higher, 8th feels like her permanent ceiling — a glass roof reinforced with poor lineup decisions.

Commissioner’s Pick: Joe Buck Yourself (WINNER)

WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe dominates Baisden's Bungals (195.82-171.58)

WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe defeats Baisden’s Bungals in a comeback so dramatic it deserves its own bridge section in a Taylor Swift track. Down heading into Monday night, she unleashed Bijan Robinson and D’Andre Swift like surprise album drops, completely flipping the matchup on its head. Add in earlier fireworks from Jaxon Smith-Njigba and George Pickens, and WAOKOM delivered the highest score in a matchup this season.

Baisden’s Bungals did everything right except win. Patrick Mahomes, Christian McCaffrey, and the LA Rams defense delivered strong performances, stacking up 171 points — normally a guaranteed victory. But this week? He just had front-row seats to his own downfall.

Some weeks you’re the dog. Some weeks you’re the hydrant.

Commissioner’s Pick: WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe (WINNER)

Team Andrew defeats Team Michelle (137.06-101.50)

Team Andrew defeats Team Michelle in Week 6’s official battle of boredom. Saquon Barkley sputtered, but Drake London did exactly what the commissioner predicted — erupted for nearly 32 points like he’d read the script beforehand. Ladd McConkey and Justin Herbert backed him up with solid showings, dragging Team Andrew to a second straight win.

Team Michelle, meanwhile, got Justin Fields to deliver the same amount of fantasy production she got Eagles fans to respect her trash talk — zero.. And it wasn’t just him. Michael Pittman ghosted her and the Packers defense played like they’d already packed for Cancun. That makes three straight losses for Team Michelle, whose last victory was against 3rd and Juan — not exactly something you put on a résumé since recently losing to Burrows Churros.

Team Andrew won but still managed to fall two spots in the standings, now sitting at fifth, while Team Michelle slid down to ninth. Oh, and before we move on — the Dallas Cowboys lost to the Carolina Panthers. We dem Boyz.

Commissioner’s Pick: Team Andrew (WINNER)

4th and Forever slams 3rd and Juan (143.52-112.38)

4th and Forever defeats 3rd and Juan in the long-anticipated battle of down-and-distance supremacy.

Shocker: 3rd and Juan couldn’t convert. Once again, 4th and Forever leaned on his dynamic duo of De’Von Achane and Jonathan Taylor, both of whom are contractually obligated to drop 20+ every Sunday. The Las Vegas Raiders defense even joined the party, chipping in 18 points like they were trying to earn employee of the month.

3rd and Juan actually got solid efforts from Daniel Jones, Trey McBride, and — in cruel irony — Wan’Dale Robinson, the very player the commissioner confidently slandered in his Week 6 predictions. Classic commissioner L. Add it to the pile.

That makes five straight wins for 4th and Forever, which sadly correlates directly with how unbearable he’s become in the group chat. He remains atop the standings in first place, while 3rd and Juan drops to seventh — just outside the playoff bubble, where he’s most familiar.

Commissioner’s Pick:4th and Forever (WINNER)