Fantasy Week #7 - Recap

Matt Sovine
Oct 22
4 min read

Week 7 will be used as Exhibit A that the 4-1 record last week was purely accidental. Being picked to lose is now almost a guaranteed victory.

Week 7 brought touchdowns, tears, and the commissioner’s continued descent into pick-making infamy. A 1–4 record this week brings the season total to 15–20, officially cementing his status as the fantasy football equivalent of the Chicago Bears front office. The only thing more unreliable than his predictions is Ceedee’s TD’s roster.

But don’t worry — even in failure, there’s entertainment. Burrows Churros stumbled into a win, Vigilante Blitz shocked the league with another victory, and our boy Peaches may never emotionally recover from whatever that performance was.

Burrows Churros Gets Another Win vs Team Michelle (144.52-120.14)

Burrows Churros finally notched another win in Week 7 — and while it technically counts, let’s not pretend this was some heroic comeback story. The victory came against a team led by Justin Fields, which is kind of like bragging about winning a race against someone on crutches.

To make matters even more humbling, Burrows Churros scored the fewest points of any winning team this week. Still, a win is a win, and we take those around here.

DeVonta Smith carried the torch with 38 points, Chris Olave chipped in 27, and free-agent pickup Cade Otton delivered a surprisingly solid outing at tight end.

Team Michelle, meanwhile, had Davante Adams show up with 26 points while Ashton Jeanty and Justin Fields teamed up to post seven — a number that would be impressive if we were bowling.

That’s now four straight losses for Team Michelle, who’s showing all the momentum of a stalled shopping cart. The playoff hopes are fading fast, and if she keeps this up, her season will be remembered less for victories and more for character building.

Commissioner’s Pick: Burrows Churros (WINNER)

4th and Forever Deflates Team Andrew (147.84-125.18)

Another week, another 34-point game from Jonathan Taylor, and yet another victory for 4th and Forever. AJ Brown piled on 28 more, and the Kansas City defense casually dropped 20 points like it was nothing. It’s officially routine at this point — six straight wins, still firmly in first place, and becoming as predictable as a late-season Bengals collapse.

Team Andrew tried to make a fight of it, with Matthew Stafford putting up a solid 37 points and Javonte Williams contributing 18. Unfortunately, Saquon Barkley managed just five points, effectively ensuring the comeback stayed a fantasy — literally.

The loss sent Team Andrew plummeting three spots in the standings, now sitting in 8th place, nestled comfortably between “maybe next year” and “at least I’m not Burrows Churros.”

Commissioner’s Pick: Team Andrew (LOSER)

Joe Buck Yourself Smacks Down WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe (170.36-147.94)

For the second straight week, Joe Buck Yourself came out swinging, with nearly every starter contributing to the cause. Dak Prescott delivered 35 points, Quinshon Judkins bulldozed his way to 29 on three touchdowns, and rookie Travis Hunter added 24 more for good measure. The only starter not joining the party was Josh Downs, who was ruled out and finished with zero — a perfect attendance record in spirit only.

WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe couldn’t find her Monday night magic this time around. Jalen Hurts matched Dak’s 35, Jaxon Smith-Njigba hauled in 26, and Bijan Robinson and D’Andre Swift combined for 41 points, but it wasn’t enough to keep pace. The real dagger? The Steelers defense, who somehow managed to lose her a point.

With the win, Joe Buck Yourself and WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe officially swapped places in the standings — Joe Buck Yourself up to second, WAOKOM down to third.

Commissioner’s Pick: WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe (LOSER)

3rd and Juan Holds Off Baisden's Bungals (202.32-181.44)

3rd and Juan crushed Baisden’s Bungals 202.32–181.44 in a Week 7 showdown that looked less like a matchup and more like a pyrotechnic display.

Jahmyr Gibbs headlined with a monster 42-point outing, while Trey McBride added 29, Daniel Jones 26, Jordan Addison 21, and Rashee Rice 23 fresh off his six-game suspension. It was the kind of lineup that makes the rest of the league check their waiver wire and cry a little.

Baisden’s Bungals actually played great — Patrick Mahomes dropped 32, Christian McCaffrey did his usual 39, and the rest of the roster stayed steady. But when your opponent casually clears 200 points, you’re basically the extra in someone else’s highlight reel.

And because the fantasy gods love drama, Cooper Kupp threw an interception that deducted a point from Baisden’s Bungals’ total. Did it make a difference? No — unless you count making an already painful loss just a little funnier. Honestly, at this point, even his wide receivers are sabotaging him.

3rd and Juan rockets up two spots to 5th place, while Baisden’s Bungals climbs to 4th despite the loss — a small consolation prize in a week that will forever be remembered as The Gibbs Game.

Commissioner’s Pick: Baisden's Bungals (LOSER)

Vigilante Blitz Dominates Ceedee's TD's (149.44-83.52)

Vigilante Blitz is back in the win column in Week 7 after taking Ceedee’s TD’s straight to the woodshed. Honestly, the performance from Ceedee’s TD’s was so bad I debated whether it even deserved a recap. But here we are.

Ja’Marr Chase lit up the scoreboard with 38 points from Joe Flacco (yes, that Joe Flacco). Rhamondre Stevenson and Tucker Kraft also chipped in solid outings, and the New England defense racked up 21 points, outscoring most of Ceedee’s TD’s entire roster.

Meanwhile, Ceedee’s TD’s was basically a live-action documentary on disappointment. CeeDee Lamb did all he could with 27 points, but Darren Waller and Mike Evans combined for zero — a masterclass in doing absolutely nothing.

His bench looked like a retirement home, and the ROI from his endless waiver moves is beginning to resemble Enron’s balance sheet.

It goes without saying that Ceedee’s TD’s had the lowest point total in Week 7, but it felt good typing it out anyway. It’s actually the lowest points scored in the league since Week 1, when Vigilante Blitz scored 83.42 — a title she proudly keeps.

With this abysmal showing, Ceedee’s TD’s drops to 7th in the standings and out of playoff contention. Vigilante Blitz, somehow, moves up two spots to 6th overall and now holds the final playoff position. Absolutely insane.

Commissioner’s Pick: Ceedee's TD's (LOSER)