Fantasy Week #9 - Recap

Matt Sovine
Nov 5
4 min read

The Commissioner had family in town whom he blames for his 2-3 record in Week 9. Unfortunately, he has no one to blame for the other 8 weeks of misery.

Week 9 was the kind of week that makes you question why you even play fantasy football (or why the commissioner is still trusted with picks).

Burrows Churros somehow scored the most points in the league, proving even a broken lineup can find the end zone twice a season. 4th and Forever finally fell back to Earth, Vigilante Blitz reminded everyone why she lives outside the playoff bubble, and Team Michelle extended her losing streak so far it now qualifies as a personality trait.

The standings got shaken up, egos got bruised, and the commissioner? Yeah, he’s still losing picks like it’s his job.

Burrows Churros spanks Joe Buck Yourself (168.20-102.90)

Burrows Churros defeats Joe Buck Yourself 168.20–102.90, putting on a Week 9 clinic that nobody saw coming — including, probably, Burrows Churros himself.

Joe Flacco turned back the clock with a 42-point outing, Brock Bowers returned from injury like a man on a mission with 43, and suddenly the league’s biggest embarrassment looked like an actual contender.

It’s unclear whether this was a fluke or divine intervention, but either way, the rest of the league is confused and mildly concerned.

Meanwhile, Joe Buck Yourself looked completely lost, dropping his second straight game in what can only be described as a fantasy identity crisis. Travis Hunter and Kayshon Boutte both put up goose eggs, and the rest of the roster followed their lead by contributing absolutely nothing of value.

The loss sends Joe Buck Yourself tumbling four spots down the standings, now barely clinging to the last playoff position at sixth.

Commissioner’s Pick: Joe Buck Yourself (LOSER)

WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe Upsets 4th and Forever (129.10-127.86)

WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe defeats 4th and Forever 129.10–127.86 in a Monday night stunner that shook the top of the standings.

It took every bit of prime-time magic, but Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Marvin Harrison Jr. both dropped 22-point performances to help WAOKOM pull off the biggest upset of Week 9. Somewhere, Taylor Swift was proud.

For 4th and Forever, Jared Goff did his job with 23 points, but the rest of the roster apparently decided to observe a moment of silence for their leader’s ego. It was a flat, uninspired effort that ended with the group chat as quiet as a Bengals playoff game.

4th and Forever still sits atop the standings but can now feel the pack closing in.

Commissioner’s Pick: 4th & Forever (LOSER)

Ceedee's TD's Knocks Off 3rd and Juan (137.22-114.48)

Ceedee’s TD’s defeats 3rd and Juan 137.22–114.48, marking his second straight win and a shocking leap up the standings.

Dalton Kincaid dropped 22 points, Ka’imi Fairbairn booted his way to 18, and Peaches suddenly looks like a man with a plan.

Whether it’s strategy or sheer dumb luck, we may never know — but the results are undeniable.

On the flip side, 3rd and Juan’s season continues to unravel. Jahmyr Gibbs and Jordan Addison went missing, Rashee Rice led the way with just 18 points, and the team’s overall vibe was somewhere between “confused” and “please make it stop.”

The loss pushes 3rd and Juan down to 8th place, just above Burrows Churros in the pit of despair, while Ceedee’s TD’s climbs to second and suddenly looks playoff-bound.

Somewhere, the league villain is smiling — and that’s the worst part.

Commissioner’s Pick: 3rd and Juan (LOSER)

Team Andrew Takes Down Vigilante Blitz (146.00-113.66)

Team Andrew defeats Vigilante Blitz 146.00–113.68, rebounding from last week’s embarrassment at the hands of Burrows Churros — which, let’s be honest, was like losing a spelling bee to a goldfish.

This week, though, the dome shined bright. Drake London dropped 39 points, and Sam LaPorta added 24 to carry the load while Woody Marks and Jacory Croskey-Merritt contributed… well, mostly syllables.

On the other sideline, Vigilante Blitz followed up her Week 8 win with another predictable dip back into the loss column.

Drake Maye led the team with 19 points — which is fine for a college sophomore, but not so much for a professional fantasy football roster.

Zonovan Knight’s 6-point “impact” and Tucker Kraft’s 4-point farewell tour sealed the deal.

Team Andrew rockets up four spots to third place, while Vigilante Blitz tumbles four down to seventh — just far enough to start Googling “how to make the playoffs by accident.”

Commissioner’s Pick: Team Andrew (WINNER)

Baisden's Bungals Holds Off Team Michelle (160.70-144.42)

Baisden’s Bungals got back on track in Week 9, handing Team Michelle her sixth straight loss — and at this point, it’s less a losing streak and more a lifestyle choice.

She hasn’t seen a win since Week 3, which feels like it was played during the Obama administration.

Baisden’s Bungals rebounded nicely from last week’s public humiliation at the hands of 4th and Forever, with Christian McCaffrey and Tee Higgins leading the charge in monster fashion.

Meanwhile, Team Michelle actually put together a respectable showing — at least by her recent standards. Davante Adams and Michael Pittman both showed up ready to work, but Brian Thomas, Troy Franklin, and Brandon Aubrey dragged her lineup down like an anchor in a kiddie pool.

Baisden’s Bungals climbs four spots to fourth place, while Team Michelle remains firmly cemented in 10th, where hope and playoff dreams go to die.

Commissioner’s Pick: Baisden's Bungals (WINNER)