Commissioner Picks: Week #10

Week 10 is here, and the commissioner remains perfectly mediocre at 17–23 overall — a record that screams “participation ribbon.”

The playoff picture’s a mess, emotions are high, and Burrows Churros has somehow tricked people into believing he’s relevant again. The league’s chaos is at an all-time high, but don’t worry someone’s gotta lose, and I’m probably picking them.

Hope you’re all ready for another round of predictions that age like milk. Let’s dive in.

Week #10 has arrived!

Burrows Churros (7-11) vs Vigilante Blitz (9-9)

Winner: Burrows Churros

Burrows Churros enters Week 10 on a three-game winning streak, proving that miracles do happen — even in fantasy football. Vigilante Blitz, meanwhile, is sliding down the standings faster than Zay Flowers disappears from a Ravens game plan. Kyle Pitts remains her version of false hope, and that’s saying something. Sam Darnold and Puka Nacua lead Burrows Churros to a fourth straight win, and yes, I’m picking myself again because when you’re hot, you’re hot.

Joe Buck Yourself (9-9) vs Ceedee's TD's (11-7)

Winner: Ceedee's TD's

Joe Buck Yourself (9–9) is on a two-game skid and apparently blames me for it — which, fair, but maybe also try scoring points. Ceedee’s TD’s (11–7) comes into Week 10 playing better than anyone expected, powered by James Cook and a supporting cast of guys who could walk into your living room right now and you wouldn’t recognize them. Josh Allen and Josh Jacobs will try to keep Joe Buck Yourself alive, but the fantasy gods are still laughing. I’m only making this pick because I’ve been threatened.

Team Andrew (10-8) vs Baisden's Bungals (9-9)

Winner: Baisden's Bungals

Team Andrew (10–8) and Baisden’s Bungals (9–9) both came out of Week 9 with wins, but let’s be honest — only one of these rosters looks like it’s built to last. Christian McCaffrey and Amon-Ra St. Brown are walking cheat codes, and they’ll do what they always do: make opposing teams question their life choices. Saquon Barkley and Drake London will show up, but showing up only gets you so far when the other side’s got Boone County DNA in its veins. Down there, they measure success in Busch Lights, broken dreams, and fantasy wins — and this week, it’s another one for the ledger.

4th and Forever (12-6) vs Team Michelle (6-12)

Winner: 4th and Forever

This matchup is so one-sided it should’ve been flexed out of the schedule. 4th and Forever (12–6) is a juggernaut. Team Michelle (6–12) is… not. That’s it. No analysis, no drama, no hope. 4th and Forever will win because that’s what he does, and Team Michelle will lose because that’s what she does.

3rd and Juan (8-10) vs WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe (9-9)

Winner: WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe

3rd and Juan (8–10) continues to disappoint, fresh off a loss to Peaches, while WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe (9–9) is riding high after handing 4th and Forever a rare defeat. Jalen Hurts and Bijan Robinson are the engines of another big win, while Daniel Jones and the 49ers defense will once again prove that being mid is a lifestyle choice. Picking against my wife after that 4th and Forever upset would be career suicide — and Jeremy’s team doesn’t deserve happiness anyway.