Commissioner Picks: Week #16

The season is finally winding down, and for most teams, mercy has arrived.

The playoffs have separated contenders from pretenders, the Toilet Bowl has crowned its unfortunate participants, and the commissioner is emotionally exhausted.

What’s left now is closure, accountability, and a few final shots fired.

Let’s wrap this thing up.

Week #16 has arrived!

PLAYOFFS - ROUND #2

4th and Forever (20-8) vs Ceedee's TD's (15-13)

Winner: 4th and Forever

4th and Forever enters Round 2 fresh off a first-round bye, while Ceedee’s TD’s arrives after knocking off Burrows Churros and immediately making the league uneasy.

This matchup should be tight and probably go down to the wire, but let’s be clear — the entire league is united behind one outcome.

A Ceedee’s TD’s championship would suck the joy out of Christmas faster than a dead string of lights.

The commissioner likes Christmas. Give him 4th and Forever for the win.

3rd and Juan (16-12) vs WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe (19-9)

Winner: WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe

WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe enters Round 2 rested and ready after enjoying a first-round bye, while 3rd and Juan arrives fresh off a convincing win over Team Andrew.

That win left no doubt — but his roster still raises plenty of questions about how he’s one victory away from a championship appearance.

For strictly financial reasons, the commissioner is fully behind WhosAfraidOfKittleOldMe in this matchup.

This one stays close early, but 3rd and Juan fades late and starts prepping for volleyball season ahead of schedule.

CONSOLATION MATCHUPS

Burrows Churros (14-14) vs Team Andrew (14-14)

Winner: Burrows Churros

Consolation matchups mean almost nothing at this point in the season.

You can’t win anything meaningful, and losing doesn’t even land you at an all-you-can-eat pancake house for 24 hours, which honestly feels like a missed opportunity.

This one goes to Burrows Churros — assuming Joe Burrow remembers he’s the quarterback this week.

Joe Buck Yourself (13-15) vs Vigilante Blitz (9-19)

Winner: Joe Buck Yourself

Joe Buck Yourself vs Vigilante Blitz is the fantasy equivalent of accidental MACtion — technically football, but not something anyone asked for.

Viewers tune in, see the matchup, and promptly decide silence is better.

Both teams are flawed, frustrating, and perfectly matched in mediocrity.

TOILET BOWL - FINALS

Baisden's Bungals (12-16) vs Team Michelle (8-20)

Winner: Team Michelle

My god, you couldn’t script a more appropriate Toilet Bowl finale if you tried.

Baisden’s Bungals and Team Michelle both lost last week and were promptly flushed into this bottom-of-the-barrel showdown for last place.

Being here is already a loss for both teams, but thankfully they’ve been emotionally numb to losing all season.

Team Michelle has been consistently awful from wire to wire, yet somehow the commissioner thinks she steals this one and leaves Baisden’s Bungals holding the league’s ultimate shame.