Commissioner Picks: Week #3

Well, I’d love to tell you I’ve been lighting it up with my picks, but the truth is uglier than Ceedee’s TD’s roster. I went 2-3 in Week 2, which drops me to 4-6 overall—solidly below .500, just like Joe Buck Yourself’s season outlook. At this point, I’m less “fantasy guru” and more “coin flip with a Wi-Fi connection.” Still, you degenerates deserve my bad takes, so here we go again.

Week #3 is here -- let's get started!

Burrows Churros (1-3) vs WhosAfriadOfKittleOldMe (2-2)

Winner: Burrows Churros

The first of our two husband-and-wife showdowns this week, and let’s be honest—these are always the spiciest matchups on the schedule. Burrows Churros took a gut punch in Week 2 and lost their namesake QB, but reinforcements have arrived. Who’sAfraidOfKittleOldMe is solid at 2-2, but momentum is shifting, and I’m not about to pick against myself. Kyler Murray steps in, and so do the wins.

Team Andrew (4-0) vs Ceedee's TD's (2-2)

Winner: Team Andrew

Team Andrew is off to a scorching 4-0 start, which is impressive—though not nearly as big as his actual head. But let’s be clear: Ceedee’s TD’s exists solely to give the league a weekly villain to root against. That Week 2 loss was a beautiful sight, and I fully expect another one to follow. This isn’t about Team Andrew being unbeatable, it’s about Ceedee’s TD’s being unworthy.

Joe Buck Yourself (1-3) vs Baisdens Bungals (2-2)

Winner: Baisdens Bungals

Old friends, old co-workers, and eternal WNBA lifers—it’s a wholesome backstory, but the matchup itself feels anything but. Baisden’s Bungals dropped a monster score last week and look like they’re finally figuring it out, while Joe Buck Yourself just keeps finding new ways to disappoint. At some point, misery becomes a weekly routine, and this feels like another entry in the same script.

4th and Forever (2-2) vs Vigilante Blitz (0-4)

Winner: 4th and Forever

It’s round two of the marital cage matches, and this one’s got some extra spice. 4th and Forever is rolling off a win and looking steady, while Vigilante Blitz has now dropped two straight and is starting to resemble the actual Dolphins defense in December—leaky. Add in a little Taylor Swift heartbreak energy, and I’m not buying the comeback narrative. 4th and Forever keeps the bragging rights in his corner of the house.

3rd and Juan (3-1) vs Team Michelle (3-1)

Winner: Team Michelle

This matchup feels like parent-teacher night gone wrong: one side’s the aide, the other side’s the teacher, and neither should be in charge of young minds. At 3-1, both teams are rolling, but Michelle is the funniest contradiction in the league—a Cowboys fan riding with Lamar Jackson. You can’t make this stuff up. The irony is strong, but so is her lineup. Team Michelle gets the win.